Monday June 25, 2007

Kelly CarlinUncategorised Leave a Comment

Today I have realized that I have gotten on the other side of a few things that have, in the past, eluded my understanding or grasp (I wanted to use the verb ‘Mastered” in the last sentence in place of gotten on the other side of, but I just know that if I were to do that I would be 1) kidding myself – I am getting that I master nothing AND 2) setting myself up for some kind of karmic suicide – the universe licking its lips at my arrogance – did she say Mastered?).

Anyway, the few things I have gotten closer to are: transitions, comparing myself to others and fruits and vegetables.

Today I made a hell of a transition. After spending my morning on the computer, going through piles of paper and reconciling my business’ bank accounts, I got up, walked out of the office, shut the door and went outside and finished my book. Now before you deem me some kind of retard, let me explain. I am not good at these left brain/right brain transitions normally. Once my high and mighty left brain (analytical, way too good at math and other solving adventures) normally gets going, I begin to spread my sights on things like solving the world in a numerical equation, or planning some fantastic (as in fantasy) marketing scheme for my many business ideas. My mind/body normally gets so wrapped up in all of this that I forget to eat, dress and brush my teeth. I am once again a coke addict, but without the fun numb gums part. But today at 2PM, I faced myself and said, “Stop.” And I did. I closed the door as a literal and metaphorical way of cutting myself off from a way back into my left brain frenzy, and put on my sun worshipping clothes, big hat, XM channel 862 – the Loft, and picked up Eat, Pray, Love and immersed myself in all things gloriously right brained. (Yes, I know that my reading and languaging is coming from the left brain partly, but I am reading for PLEASURE which for me is all about the feminine right brain.)

Next on the list: comparing myself – oh, I believe this is the bane of all of humanity. If I could ban it, I know we would all be a happier planet. Since I have returned from Scotland some part of me has just been done with this. I see the little comparing bugger coming from a thousand miles away now, and just shoo him off before he is even within a mile of me. He showed up today as I was reading the blurbs on the back of Eat, Pray, Love, and there was one that said that there couldn’t be a more enjoyable writer right now, and I could see that little bugger starting to ramp up, “well, what about me, I could be as enjoyable as she…” STOP. It’s not important. Just keep reading. Just keep living. Just keep writing. All that other stuff means nothing. And then there it is, a resting back into myself, a warmth and groundedness, a truth of the now. I open up the book and keep reading and smiling and crying my way through it.

And last but not least fruits and vegetables. Oh, you laugh. For me, I have been a meat and potatoes kind of girl my whole life – I’m Irish/English for Christ sake. My DNA demands it of me. But lately, I have found that I am craving, falling in love with and actually choosing to EAT fruits and vegetables at random times of the day. They call to me. Oh, there is a banana, YES. Oh, spinach salad, YES. MANGO!! Don’t know how or why, and I don’t care to ask my big fat nosy left brain to solve this one. I just am doing it. And loving it. I feel like I love my body, myself more when I eat them. Like they are life, I am life and I need them for my life. Novel, huh?