Day 13 of 100 Fears in 100 Days

Kelly Carlin100 Fears in 100 Days, Sitting with the Unknown, transformation Leave a Comment

I am thinking of changing the title of this challenge. I don’t know if it is really possible to only couch what I feel like I am doing as “fears”. I think that limits the thinking around all of this. Some days are absolutely about confronting a fear and then taking an action that debunks the fear. But what am I really doing here? What I am doing is listening to the inner messages/stories that shape my life, and challenging the ones that see to be full of shit. I am testing some kind of reality that I have assumed IS reality. I am literally questioning who I am every day.

One assumption that I make is – I am only okay when I am DOING something that the outside world will see as being productive. I know this is bullshit, and yet….

I can clearly feel the need to integrate some experiences that I have had these last few weeks. And when I integrate, much of my activity is inward focused not leaping forward or jumping from high places. Instead there is a turning my ear to my inner life – sitting quietly so that I can hear the stirrings of what has been awakened by my bold actions of late – and then weaving the new threads I have discovered into the tapestry of who I am, making the self richer, more colorful and larger.

I am honoring this urge today. I have walked this morning to let my body integrate. I will not be fluttering about on Facebook, Twitter, etc. today. I will go about my day in a more mindful fashion giving space to what needs to settle, find a new resting place, and later emerge as a new bud on this tree I call me.

Where are your urges sending you today?

What should I really be calling this challenge?