Two Months Out

Kelly Carlin Uncategorised Comments

In two months it will happen – my book will be on a shelf in a real book store. What the fuck?

It’s still not real to me. After years of fantacizing about an actual book in my hands that I wrote, I still can’t imagine it’s really happening. It’s just too far away from the self-image I’ve carried for so long. Other people do things like write books, make films, walk on the moon, but not people like me. I’m a mere human, and they must be something greater than that. They must be a chosen one.

I’m not alone with this thinking, we all do it. We all project supernatural powers onto people we admire. I’m not sure why we do this, but we do. It’s like our own brilliance and capability is too much for us to accept, and so we must fling it out and onto others we deem more worthy.

But what this book writing and publishing process has taught me is that this is no longer necessary to do. When you get right with yourself, really take your creative visions and urges seriously, and sit your ass down day after day and do the real work to make progress toward your goals, you begin to see yourself in a new light. For me, I began to see that even though I am human and not perfect, I’m getting better at my craft. Sometimes, I even blow myself away with moments of brilliance. I’ve learned that we all have enormous potential and that the only thing that keeps it unknown is fear.

So today, even though I don’t feel completely ready for this thing that’s going to happen in 60 days, I know that if I show up everyday authentically, compassionately and in touch with the joy of a new adventure, I’ll be okay. 

I’m beginning to see that maybe what it really means to be the chosen one is that we chose to take our own creative urges more seriously than our self-doubt. Maybe faith is believing in ourselves for once.